Who is there to blame? The current me or the old me? We were
both young and cold hearted back then, we reserve our thoughts but crave for
actions. We dont think what will happen in the next five years, whether the
kiss that we shared will be an eternal kiss or the love we created is for
eternity. I admit, the love I had was vague I didn't know what I want and what
I dont. You are not sure if I am your forever girl or just another
heartbreaker. Turns out I am the latter, twice. And in both time you expand
your arms and accept me gladly back into your life, another new muse after a
year of darkness. And is getting back every one year is just another habit. No?
It's funny when you look at it in that way.
And now after another year has gone past, we had enough of
stalking each other Facebook at 2 am, we had enough of staring into the empty
Whatsapp chat trying to see when is the last seen, we had enough of trying to
hope that one of us will start the conversation and get us back on track. I've
tried more than once to move on , to find that perfect Barbie Ken that fits
every criteria that I had when I was a Barbie girl. I swiped right too many
times and experimented with multiple douche bags who seems to be eager on
getting their hands into my shirt. But I want more than just a Barbie Ken, I
want a forever guy. No need to be a knight in shining amour or handsome Prince
charming from Andalusia.
I just want a guy who doesn't like to wear tie because he
feels like they are choking him, who would keep the Skype on through out the
night just to stare at me snoring with my head down into exam notes, a guy who
would drive 100km in a flinch just to wipe my tears caused by some stupid girl
drama.
But I have lose him,
to the fake hopes and vague love that I dusted into this relationship. I have
lose him after treating him like a heartless bitch, twice. I have lose him after taking his heart
into mine and slice it thinly into a messy blood massacre. And now he still
exist, not as a forever guy but an empty soul left behind by an evil bitch. A
walking zombie who will never put trust into love ever again. An empty ruins
with no glimpse of hope to be alive.
And I am sorry for the hole that I left. I know that no
matter how much I tried it will never be enough to fill in the gaps. I am sorry
for the other girls who tried to mend this broken soul but never succeed. He is
just so broken apart to be fix. I am sorry that when I left I took away all the
inspiration and hope that you had for life. I am sorry that it hurt you. I am
sorry that I hurt you.
No comments:
Post a Comment