From the girl who left you - Aishah Kazman

The first time that we kissed, you placed your palms against my cheeks and stare into my eyes

As you pull me closer I remember thinking if this is how I would I die, from a heart attack due to excitement. As your lips latched into mine and your tongue search for the passion in me I die a little inside. Knowing that this is the man that I put my heart out but realize that I am no longer standing behind the barrier that I have set between me and everyone else. Each time that my mind wander back to that night, my head swoon from the excitement. That single kiss in the car left my lips craves for more. That night when I cried my heart out for you who I have lost, I crave for the tender kiss and warmth from your hands across my body. From the night that we slept together under blue neon lights when you hold me carefully, afraid that a single touch would trigger me to push you away like I did before. I remember how you kept me warm through the night and how I felt safe in your arms, away from the scary little world away from the demons in my head. You are my safe space. The one who kept me awake from my insecurities and fear that I would be failing and falling. But even your warmth from that night could not hold me back. I pushed you away eventually. I could not overcome my fear that if you would hurt me like many boys had before. That if you would leave me hanging and bleeding like many people had. That you will break my heart and I will never be able to put it back together. I fear that I would lose you, so I push you away before you did.