Teaching Practical Reflection : Week 1

( This is a repost, I have deleted the old reflections. Sorry for being so unorganized ) 

It has been six days into my Teaching Practical ( Supposedly two weeks, minus the public holiday and exam days ) now. How am I feeling? Overwhelmed ; introduction to tired, introduction to disappointment, introduction to frustration. Every emotions that I am feeling right now , are just a  drop of the whole emotion. Who would have thought teaching can be so complicated to your own feelings?

So here are some of the reflections I had for the past six days in school.

    I realized that ‘normal skills ‘ are not enough to be a teacher. You need to have ‘teacher’s skills PRO ‘. Like seriously. I thought I can implement my past experience into class what hey behold, 14 year old are nowhere near to AIESEC newbies or young adults. As clueless as they may be, 14 year old needs a different skills to be handle.

2.       The face of your students can sometimes cause frustrations. Yes, we had simulated teaching before coming to the real school but conducting a class with some 6 playful, interactive and responsive students are nothing similar to this. Your lesson will be disturb by,

 “ CIkgu, bolehkah saya berjumpa xxx “

“Cikgu, bolehkah saya hantar buku in pada Cikgu xxx “

 “ walao wehh teacher, need to speak English also? “

 “Teacher, got PJ later no need learn lah “

3.       Organizing your lesson plan. All this while we had the privilege of finding variety of sources, materials for our lesson plan. Submit it to your lecture and there you go assignment is done. Now, you have to think about this one boy that will not move away from his place. This one girl that prefers doing ‘ keceriaan class’ rather than having English lesson. These two girls that never look you in your eye. This one noisy boy at the back of the class who always adds comments to your lesson. On top of that, you have to make sure to cover the language skills, grammar skills, the theme of the week, keep track of the home works- mark them and make sure students get it back by next week.

4.       I realized that lessons must go on despite whatever it is happening with you. You’re feeling sad? You’re having your PMS? You don’t feel like teaching? Students do not care about that at all. You are given this responsibility of teaching them of giving them some take away lesson that they can feel that it is worth it to be present in school that day. You try your best to make the lesson interactive, interesting and fun enough for the students so that they have at least something to look forward to for English class. You made rules that no one is allowed to speak in any language other than English in your class so that they have at least 1% effort of speaking in English. Students want to see your efforts, they don’t want to see the fragile side of you. Because it matters, because now you are a teacher – someone they look up to.

5.       Some students will be in their own world, no matter how hard you try to get their attention. It might be with their personality, it might be with their family background heck it might be because they are just not interested in school.

So there you go, if you ask me ‘ How’s your practical? this is my answer. 8 more weeks to go , hopefully my current perspective will change by then. InsyaAllah. I need all the support available, either amaze-balls food or just a shoulder to cry on. 

Teaching Practical Reflection : Week 4

It has been a month since I started teaching in CHS and I am still alive, thankfully.

So what happened last week? We focused on few things :  past tense, continuous tense and drama elements. For last week I experimented on a new approach in class by giving them more freedom in speaking and communicating in class. I noticed in the past few weeks, my students are not really giving any response whenever I ask them questions in class. But they communicate just fine among their friends. And I realized that maybe I am constricting them when it comes to talking in class because I am expecting the correct answer and not giving them the freedom to answer in from their point of view. Okay so I drafted out activities where they have the freedom to talk whatever they want in condition that they still speak in English. One of the activities was to create their own story as a class. I divide them into groups of four where they were given an element of drama each. Without consulting the other groups, they create their own points which then are combined afterwards. It was a funny and fun activity where students came up with illogical stories with adaptations from famous movies and cartoons. But most importantly, every single student spoke during the activity although I heard some native language here and there but they tried. One student even came up to me, teacher I really like this lesson. Can we do it again next week?

Another approach that I experimented was , giving instructions in class. I realized that I am not good at giving specific instructions which usually leads to a different outcome from each groups. For this, I did a simple power point slides which contains the instruction, expected outcome and time given.

 Example : Discuss on the drama element in your group. Come out with at least 4 points without referring to other group. ( 15 minutes )

What I got is similar outcome from the whole class and the students are more aware of the allocated time. So no more “ teacher what to do? / Teacher how long do we discuss this? / teacher why they discuss on different topic ? “

Next week, I’ll be experimenting on public speaking. Another problem with some of my students is that they avoid speaking in public while some would go up in front without being asked. So there’s two huge gap in communication here. I have some ideas about that but if you have any fun and interesting ideas to add on, please do.

Some questions :

1.       Do you allow students to discuss in their native language?

2.       How far can you go in teaching certain issues in class? Exp : Gender equality , Feminism etc

Will update more on that later. Toodles J

Wings - Aishah Kazman

When I was twelve,
I watched lonely planet a lot
Back then astro was
quite a new thing for us
so to have the world shown to you
by a little box at home was something amazing
The way Ian and Asha
explored every inch of the world
triggers this little bug in me
that says
' I want to do that too someday '

When I was seventeen
I was about to finish high school
with the dream that
I will be flying out in no time
I imagined myself
on a green fields somewhere
in a campus
where it is 8c all year round
I spoke a lot about leaving
  and do things I want to do

When I was twenty
I watched updates
on the Instagram of friends
in different places of the globe.
I envied those grabbing chances
I couldn't
and experiencing things
I can only imagine of
I developed hatred and jealousy
on others for chasing their dreams

When I was twentytwo
and still loyal to my nation
I talked about conquering the map again
This time I can almost feel
that it will happen soon
I can almost taste the air
where they eat cheese for breakfast
and smell the soil
where snow melts in spring
But along with that courage
comes obligations and constrictions

When will I finally be chasing my dreams?
I know for sure it's not here
its somewhere out there
between the coordinates

Maybe if I believe hard enough
I'll spread my wings
and catch those dreams
from ten years and more

Sick - Aishah Kazman

It sickens me how an individual’s life can be determined by merely how many likes on a picture and how many people commented “ Oh god girl, your brows are on fleek!”

It sickens me how success can be determined by how much money you have in your bank and where you seek for medical care.

It sickens me how we glorify people based on their deeds on the screens when we do not know their real intention.

It sickens me when people questioned someone deeds when we did not know what he did was out of pure compassion.

It sickens me how we always think that ‘we know it all’ when the one up there is the only one who have knowledge of everything and everyone.

It sickens me when I could not find Him among all this confusion and sadness.

It sickens me to know that He has always been there for me, since the day I was born. 

Love Bug - Aishah Kazman

Dear you,

Yup, you over there.

I am mesmerized by the way your aqua blue eyes twinkle at me

The way your lashes flutters as your face break into a smile

The way you look at me and how butterflies magically appear in my tummy

Oh you yes you, I am falling for you  - hard

The moment you said ‘ excuse me ‘ before squeezing out from the packed rush hour train

Dear you,

Yes you with the grey slacks and white polo

For the 5 minutes I stood behind you

I could not feel the weight of my grocery basket nor did I feel tired of waiting in line

Because the sight of your back and your broad shoulder is something I could stare all day

The way you sneaked a glance to me and flashed that cute dimple on your cheek

Oh dear, I almost fall face first right there in the checkout counter in Tesco

Dear you,

Yes you the one with red cap on behind the counter

I know the moment I stood in line for my weekly grease fix

You would be someone significant to my life

The way you greet me with that fancy smile and twinkle in your eyes

Oh boy, can I just place an order for you instead of the fillet o fish?

Dear you,

Yeah I’m talking about you Z

When you texted me that night as I was deeply fixed to Love and other drugs

I almost imagine how my life would be if I were to be Anne Hathaway and you will as successful as Jake Gyllenhall

Your ‘ hey, lunch tomorrow? ‘ gave me trembles in my finger as I try to figure out what should I reply you

Dear you,

Yes you sir, the one who took my heart away five years ago

When you said your first hey to me that one evening

And how we stick close to one another for the next five years

The way you look into my eyes and wipe my tears when I cry

The way you agree on bringing me everywhere and give me roses every now and then

Are just some of why I fall for you – losing myself in between

Dear you,

Yes you,

Don’t be scared when your cheek burns because that guy with the aqua blue eyes said ‘excuse me’ at the train station

Don’t be sacred when your tummy did a back flip when the guy with a cute dimple smiled at you in the check-out counter

Don’t be scared when your flesh burns when the cute waiter at McDonalds accidently brush your fingers while handling you your Fillet o Fish

Don’t be scared when your fingers tremble when the new guy from work texted you ‘ have lunch with me tomorrow? ‘

Don’t be scared when the guy you have went out with twice asked it you would like to go serious with him

And don’t be scared when your mind says ‘ uh oh, we are falling in love! ‘

Dear you,

Stop the panic attack now.

Because falling in love is perfectly fine

Because feeling the blush in your cheeks are part of your body natural process

Because that tummy backflip and the tremble in your fingers

Are all saying that you are just another human being

Who had just got bitten by the love bug.

Plastic Stars - Aishah Kazman

When I was nine,
I used to have the whole universe pasted on the ceiling of my bedroom,
glowing dimly
soothing me into a deep sleep every single night
The visible splendors of twinkling lights
makes me ponder on the world beyond
If one day I would look at the same star and feel the same way

Now at the age of twenty two
I begin to feel the pressure of life
How my mind clusters in a chaotic mess
trying to make the best
for the unknown future ten years

Oh darling,
when you came with that twinkle in your eyes
brighter than the any stars
Radiating warmth to my cold heart
I almost melt to the ground there and then
Falling into the depth of your pool
of dreams and shared secrets

Comparing you to the 88 constellations
would be an understatement on its own
Because every freckles on your face
and the long scar on your ankle
tells a story 88 times better than what ancient Greek can ever do
The way our words overlapped with each other
and the way your kiss sucked the breath out of me
Made me believe that finally the stars are aligned for us
That finally even the angels in heaven look down upon us with jealousy
on how pure our love lights up brighter than those sparkling fireworks in January

But darling,
Even stars would collide into each other creating explosions and destroying lives
in its immediate visions

After half a decade of admiring clusters of stars on lonely nights
I finally realized that there are fault in our stars

The little holes that I missed when your words creates harmony between heaven and earth
That tiny chip that I over looked when your kiss makes my heart stops and my breath shortens

Oh darling,
You are the fault in my stars

We may have shared our deepest secrets and promised on lifelong dreams
But little had I realized that the connection I thought we had
was insignificant

On which universe did we possibly collide into one another?

When I love hawker stalls but you prefer fancy restaurants
When I look for challenges but you prefer comfort
When I talk a lot but you keep your words to yourself

You on its own are a great mystery to me
No matter how hard I tried
The twinkling in your eyes are no where to found
cause nowdays all I can see is the sharp red of hell burning in your eyes
craving for
cheap love and quick lust
your hand sprawling around my waist
looking for the touch shooting you up in heavens and pushing me down to hell
your fingers traces
the tiny constellations on my naked back
Illuminated by the dim blue light on the 23rd floor
Your voice whispers
love songs to my ears making my all my senses alight
But no matter how I shuddered and cried and scream
You took no notice of the tears stream

Now, I still stare at the yellow neon of stars in the ceiling of my room
But it's no longer soothing me to sleep
Because I finally realize how the stars are just a bunch of cheap plastic
That will never glow brighter that a real star

Just like what we had
A bunch of cheap love and clusters of fake lust

Never brighter than what I had wish upon the star