Plastic Stars - Aishah Kazman

When I was nine,
I used to have the whole universe pasted on the ceiling of my bedroom,
glowing dimly
soothing me into a deep sleep every single night
The visible splendors of twinkling lights
makes me ponder on the world beyond
If one day I would look at the same star and feel the same way

Now at the age of twenty two
I begin to feel the pressure of life
How my mind clusters in a chaotic mess
trying to make the best
for the unknown future ten years

Oh darling,
when you came with that twinkle in your eyes
brighter than the any stars
Radiating warmth to my cold heart
I almost melt to the ground there and then
Falling into the depth of your pool
of dreams and shared secrets

Comparing you to the 88 constellations
would be an understatement on its own
Because every freckles on your face
and the long scar on your ankle
tells a story 88 times better than what ancient Greek can ever do
The way our words overlapped with each other
and the way your kiss sucked the breath out of me
Made me believe that finally the stars are aligned for us
That finally even the angels in heaven look down upon us with jealousy
on how pure our love lights up brighter than those sparkling fireworks in January

But darling,
Even stars would collide into each other creating explosions and destroying lives
in its immediate visions

After half a decade of admiring clusters of stars on lonely nights
I finally realized that there are fault in our stars

The little holes that I missed when your words creates harmony between heaven and earth
That tiny chip that I over looked when your kiss makes my heart stops and my breath shortens

Oh darling,
You are the fault in my stars

We may have shared our deepest secrets and promised on lifelong dreams
But little had I realized that the connection I thought we had
was insignificant

On which universe did we possibly collide into one another?

When I love hawker stalls but you prefer fancy restaurants
When I look for challenges but you prefer comfort
When I talk a lot but you keep your words to yourself

You on its own are a great mystery to me
No matter how hard I tried
The twinkling in your eyes are no where to found
cause nowdays all I can see is the sharp red of hell burning in your eyes
craving for
cheap love and quick lust
your hand sprawling around my waist
looking for the touch shooting you up in heavens and pushing me down to hell
your fingers traces
the tiny constellations on my naked back
Illuminated by the dim blue light on the 23rd floor
Your voice whispers
love songs to my ears making my all my senses alight
But no matter how I shuddered and cried and scream
You took no notice of the tears stream

Now, I still stare at the yellow neon of stars in the ceiling of my room
But it's no longer soothing me to sleep
Because I finally realize how the stars are just a bunch of cheap plastic
That will never glow brighter that a real star

Just like what we had
A bunch of cheap love and clusters of fake lust

Never brighter than what I had wish upon the star